Don’t Make Assumptions

THE THIRD AGREEMENT from Don Miguel Ruiz¹ Book ³The Four Agreements² is DON¹T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking ‹ we take it personally ‹ then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we¹re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing. For example, you are at a party or BBQ and someone you really like walks in, you thought they really liked you too. However, they smiled said hello and moved along. You couldŠnot take it personally or make any assumption and move onŠbut most likely that voice in your head goes from zero to 60 in 2.2 secondsŠand we start with the chatter; Œwow I guess she doesn¹t like me¹ or Œwhat did I do to her¹ – or we can choose NOT to assume anythingŠrealize this is her thing and move on to the next scenario. OrŠyou get home from work and your spouse is cranky and short with youŠyou begin the chatterŠ “oh no! What did I do?² and then begin the vicious cycle of trying to please him/her as all of us as caretakers tend to do! Instead realizeŠthis is none of MY businessŠand allow him/her some space. Your love will not change anyone, although it may seem to soften them up a bitŠpeople only change when they are ready and for themselves. The biggest assumption (in my opinion) is that we assume everyone sees the world and each circumstance the way WE do. We assume they think, feel, and even judge the way we do. This assumption sparks our own internal fear of being ourselves around othersŠwe think they will judge, victimize or blame us; just as we do to ourselves. So before someone has the opportunity to accept or reject us, we have already rejected ourselves. The way to keep from making assumptions is to ask questions. If you don¹t understand, askŠclear communication leads us to the truth. Also, do not be afraid to ask for what you want, for no one but you knows what that request could be. Become aware of your daily/moment by moment habits of assumingŠand in each moment take action toward clarity and truth.